Cancer Full Moon: Name What Anchors

Daniel Smith Jr.*, age 15, was clear in telling me that he didn’t want an adoptive family.

This wasn’t unusual. Nearly every teenager I worked with – removed from birth parents, under guardianship of the State, and living within the foster care system** – said this to me at some point in our work together.

To most folks not involved in the day-to-day realm of working with teens in foster care, I realize that this might sound strange.

But it really wasn’t.

Take Daniel, for example. Daniel’s entry into the world of child welfare began shortly after his father passed away***. As a young boy, Daniel’s dad had been the glue that held the family together. Although Daniel’s mother loved her son dearly, she also struggled with her mental health. And sadly, after Daniel’s father died, his mom wasn’t able to take care of him.

Thus began Daniel’s existence as a “foster kid,” moving from one placement to the next, each with a new school and a new community.

So it was no wonder that when I came along ten years later, asking if he’d just consider an adoptive family, Daniel’s reply was, “No thanks, I’m good.” Ten years in the system? I’d seen that that was a tough row to hoe. Trust gets broken. Why would an unfamiliar family go the distance, when no one else had?

My job as an adoption recruiter for teens meant that I didn’t simply take no for an answer, though. Accepting a no – “aging out” of foster care – could lead to a lifetime of difficulties in employment, education, health, housing, and more.

It was a delicate balance: On the one hand, I didn’t want to force Daniel into anything. But on the other, I wanted him to know what he was saying no to. How could he knowledgeably turn something down if he didn’t understand what it was?

I needed the why, and unpacking that no was the key.

What was making Daniel say he didn’t want to be adopted?

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The Full Moon on January 17th (5:48 pm CST) is at 28° Cancer.

Full Moons are always the point in the lunar cycle when the Sun and the Moon stand opposite each other in the sky, illuminating and revealing certain storylines. Full Moons are a time for release and balance. They are a chance to sew events together and decide whether to pivot based on what’s being unveiled.

The sign of Cancer is related to family, roots, where you come from, and what nourishes you. It’s represented by the crab, with its hard, protective shell and gooey, soft center. It’s a watery, emotive, protective-of-family sign (and yes, that can be birth family or family of choice).

Cancer is the sign of the Moon’s home – and the Moon is always associated with emotional well-being and that which helps you feel secure. This dramatic Cancer Full Moon asks: How have you been feeling?

Well, we know how we’ve been feeling, don't we? And a lot of us will say: Not great, thanks.

Meanwhile, the Sun is making its way through Capricorn, a sign that loves goals, a calling, and climbing that hill. Next to the Sun sits powerhouse Pluto, nudging (or is it shoving?) us toward transformation, both individually and collectively.

All Full Moons are revelation periods from three touchpoints in time: two weeks prior, six months prior, and 18 months prior. In this case, look to the Capricorn New Moon from two weeks ago, as well as the Cancer New Moons from July 2021 and July 2020.

Has anything changed since those times? If you live on planet Earth, then the answer is probably yes.

So, what did you begin then? Are there echoes that connect to now, asking you to see things in a new light? What’s being revealed, and how can you release what no longer serves?

This Cancer Full Moon could bring a flood of emotions, so consider: How can you nurture yourself in a healthy way, and show kindness and support to yourself and others? How can you balance the delicate Cancer urge to feel with the sturdy Capricorn call to act and to build? How can you authentically shine your light, while balancing that with your emotional well-being, your gooey center?

Where do you come from, and where are you going?

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 “Her nervous system had been through so much. She decided to spend the rest of her life calming the inflammation. Thoughts, feelings, memories, behavior, relations. She soothed it all with deep, Loving breaths and gentle practices. The softer she became with herself, the softer she became with the world, which became softer with her. She birthed a new generational cycle: Peace.”

~ Jaiya John, Fragrance After Rain

One day, a couple of months into our work together, Daniel and I got into a conversation about his name: Daniel Smith Jr. Did he know why he was named Daniel? Did his middle name have any family history attached to it? How did he feel about being a “Jr.”?

As our conversation was winding down, Daniel said, “So… I have a question for you. About adoption.”

“Ask me anything.”

Daniel hesitated. And then he asked, “If I got adopted… would I have to change my name?”

And just like that, the light bulb went on. I understood the why beneath Daniel’s resistance to adoption, and I felt ridiculous for not figuring it out sooner.

Of course.

Back in the day, Daniel Smith Sr. had cared for small Daniel, created a sense of security, and kept the family knitted together. And every day, Daniel Jr. honored his deceased father by carrying his name forward, into the future. This rich, inherited thread – the name – tied Daniel Jr. to the one man he revered the most. And no one – no one – was going to take that away.

In Daniel’s mind, getting adopted meant changing his name.

Daniel just wanted to hang onto what emotionally rooted him, while finding the courage to forge ahead into a new unfolding.

He learned that he would not have to change his name.

And, at the risk of making teen adoption sound like a fairy tale****, Daniel was adopted into a family – where each parent had maintained their own surname, too.

So tonight, look up at the beautiful, sensitive Cancer Full Moon if you’re able. And, like Daniel, invite yourself to ponder the question: How can you gently hold onto what anchors you… all while moving forward into a brave new world?

Essay and photo ©2022 Jen Braun, JJ Boots Productions LLC

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*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

**I’m using “the foster care system” to mean teens in a variety of settings, such as foster homes, group homes, juvenile detention centers, residential treatment centers, or other forms of congregate care.

***Myth-buster: Most youth involved in the foster care system are not literal orphans, like Annie, or Oliver Twist. In reality, kids in the system often have living birth parents, as well as kin and other relatives. In fact, there’s a whole kinship movement – read more about the topic at Ampersand Families, the nonprofit I co-founded.

****It’s not! But if you’re considering adoption, I encourage you to learn more. Find out if your family is a good fit for adoption from foster care. And visit Ampersand Families or AdoptUSKids.

To learn more about my past work, read my first blog post and visit my About page.